Conscience

Every person has an inner sense. English dictionary list the word 'conscience' , referring to this sense. In reality, your conscience would think alike or contradict with your thoughts. Let's take a guess on the conscience of this celebrities around the world.

Obama: Oh Boy!!! I'll would have had a better life in Hawaii, than being in midst of this mess. I've spent more time with Treasury Secretary Geithner than with Michelle

Saddam Hussein's Ghost: Woooo..Ghosts are suppose to take revenge. Now it's my turn to take revenge on Bush and Cheney!!!

First Lady Michelle Obama: Hmmmm...Given Obama's personality, I'm worried if there will be a second lady at White House. No replica of Bill Clinton's period!!

Bank Of America CEO: Please don't throw shoe at me for the Merry Lynch deal. I deserve sandals.

George W. Bush: Damn, I don't beleive this polls!!! How can I be referred as the most unpopular president ever, when I'm elected twice to whitehouse.

Ar Rehman: Jai Ho!!! All you need to win an oscar is work in a western movie.

Hillary Clinton: I aimed for a President post, but I'm offered the Secretary of State. My next run for President will not compromise for any other post!

AIG CEO: How come a CEO alone can be blamed for a company's failure? Where did this regulators go all this year? We've been dealing with credit default swap for long!!! How can you expect the CEO to know the risk of this products while the Phds, who invented this, themselves don't know.

Iran's President: Thanks to Pyongyang, now the americans focus will move away from Iran. I should make use of this opportuity and quickly move all nukes to basement.

Joe Biden: I think I exaggerated the impact of swine flu , making a statement such as 'avoid air and subway travel'. I've to change my primary physician who gave me the incorrect information. Next time, I better keep quiet, as Cheney used to.

Excerpts from chit-chats heard at office pantry

Person I: Did you hear about TARP?
Person II: I bet it's an upcoming bollywood movie, correct?
Person I: Hah????

Person I: I'm sick and tired of news channels broadcasting on layoffs, credit crisis, bailout, etc. Give me some really good news to start my day?
Person II: Recently haven't heard of any good news and may be not for another year......Hmmmm....How about this? A Panda in California zoo gave birth to a baby girl. Mom and Baby are doing fine .

Person I: Hey, what's going on, every company is laying off?
Person II: I share your frustration. Idiots, who gave them permission to create financial products on our loans. It's hard for me to imagine, that foreclosures have brought down several companies, and economies as well

Person I: Did you hear that automakers came in private jets to Washington? This is ridiculous?
Person II: CEOs are known to be tough, aaaannngggg...when it comes to give up luxury

Person I: I'm going back to China, I don't think I can survive this crisis, what do you say?
Person II: Dude, are you going back to real China or China Town in New York, I don't see any big difference

Person I: (Referring to Mumbai incident) After all evidence, how can Pakistan President say that the captured terrorist is not a Pakistani? Is he crazy?
Person II: He is correct. Once a Pakistani citizen takes training at terrorist camp, he is awarded a special citizenship status called 'stateless actor'. The stateless actor has exclusive privilege to cross borders and create havoc

Person I: What do you think about Mr. Madoff's hedge fund?
Person II: I thought the hedge fund business is very complicated. I never realized it's that easy.

Person I: Hey, do you know about 'systemic failure'?
Person II: Very simple, just reboot your PC, you'll be good enough.
Person I: Ahgggg...(blinks)...Forget about it, nothing

Be Different And Make History

Recently several people made news headlines since they uniquely outstood their opponent and made history. For instance, Barack Obama, Abhinav Bindra, Michael Phelps, and many other.

This are people with extraordinary talents. Can an ordinary individual make history? Why not? Consider one of the following, depending on who you are, to make history:

* Be the first hollywood celebrity to divorce before marriage

* Be the first husband to treat your wife same, before and after sex

* Be the first person to say “I like George W Bush”

* Be the first person to challenge the fact that Bush cannot turn around the economy

* Be the first American fast food restaurant owner to spell and utter the meaning of word "OBESITY' correctly

* Be the first doctor to attend your patient at a given appointment time, instead one hour later

* Be the first kid to say that you don't like window seat

* Be the first person to challenge Barack Obama that he is not Black, but Brown

* Be the first daughter-in-law to proclaim that your mother-in-law is not pain in the Ass

* Be the first subordinate to consider year-end review from your manager, as a roadmap for upcoming year

Tips To Fight Inflation

Inflation has been on news recently, in countries, around the globe. You should try the following to stay informed and reactive to this occasion

* Don't take a longer vacation. When you come back, you'll be shocked to learn the commodity prices, especially food and gas

* Talk to your friends about inflation. If he or she didn't show any interest, probably he or she is suffering from multiple personality disorder

* Often, talk to your wife on how to control expenses. If she agrees, praise her in front of her Mother-in-law. If she disagrees, praise her mother-in-law. If she keeps quiet, probably, You are already dead, similar to what happens in The Sixth Sense movie

* Kids bring-on expenses as well. Teach them the basics of finance, and then ask them to pick between a spider man toy and $20 bill. Kids are smart, they'll pick $20 bill. If they didn't, then better find a good teacher

* Local community Housewives should form a club and plan to share expenses such as movie rentals, coupons, etc. This will help to develop a community that is inflation proof. But not sure, the club will be politics or gossip proof.

* You'll not be surprised to know that everyone blames the government for inflation. Nowadays, the governments are so smart that they point their hands to globalization, Ahhhhngg, what to do?

* Gas price is skyrocketing. Why bother commuting to work everyday by car? Ask you manager for work from home option. If your manager says yes, probably he is a nut. If he says no, working for him, kick yourself in the butt.

* Milk is healthy but price has soared so much in the recent past. Introduce ration system at home. A member of family cannot drink more than one glass of milk. If he or she wants more than a glass, no breakfast or dinner for them

US Politicians, Avoid The Trap

Below are few tips that any American politician can use to avoid following the path of former New York State Governor, Eliot Spitzer or former President Clinton.

• Never betray ur family, if you do so, don't worry, nothing will happen. Family is just one of the qualification to become a politician


• Keep yourself busy, like our current president blinks his eyes always, so that you don't have time to think about 'Doing'


• If you have naughty female staffs, mandate that they don't stay after 6 PM at your office


• A political career cannot be ruined for a call girl or intern, so if you get caught, make them part of your family.


• If you come to public life, there is no privacy dude, you've to be clear


• Oh, Man......, Gov Spitzer used call girl 8 times? Did somebody in NY state misinformed him that it is an employee benefit?


• Do people expect anything from an elected leader such as Gov Spitzer ? Of course,they expect him to stand by the principles of prostitution,.....I'm sorry constitution


• Check this out, guess who would be the next politician to fall in this trap, definitely not Bush, I believe even call girls would hate him for the inflation and recession in US

Large Banks In United States, Thumbs Down

Recently the large US banks are scrutinized for their failures in risk management, especially products related to mortgages. Heavy exposure to mortgage products lead the US banks to incur heavy losses and record breaking write downs. Funny thoughts came to my mind how the banks might have framed their risk management policies. Such as,

* Owning a home is an American dream. If you can't payoff the mortgage, don't worry, the Banks will not only own your home but also your dream. Large banks in US are so kind to stock all your dreams.

* Nowadays US banks love the old US folk song remixed as 'This land was your land. Now you don't have any land'

* Old mantra is 'Higher the risk, higher the return'. The new mantra is, 'Higher the risk, better the chance that US bank CEO will get fired'

* A fundamental idea in finance is the relationship between RISK and RETURN. Large US banks have changed this relationship to RISK and BEATEN

* Risk always comes up with a reward. US banks should reward foreclosed home owners with holiday gifts, since they were responsible for banks to be in the headlines for last few months. The banks got free advertisement.

* May be, in the past year, large US banks might have followed more stringent loan policies, such as:

- Individual who applies for loan should have default at least once, to be qualified for loans.
- If you are convicted as a criminal, loan issued with no credit check required. Why bother?
- Gangsters can use the force to get better interest rates
- Folks with poor credit history can command interest rates
- Income folks with good credit history scrutinized as follows:
----Photo id, passport or driving license
----Proof of going to work (a photo or video showing catching morning train or bus)
----Proof of address
----Proof of wife (a photo or video showing wife snoring when Dad changing the kids’ diaper)
----Proof of husband (a photo, pretending listening when his wife is talking)
----Proof of kids (a photo showing Dad paying tuition fees)
----Proof of dogs, spider webs, etc
----History of past employers who always take care of its employees(firing them on the interests of wall street analysts)
----Proof of excellent credit history(a photo of you holding all pre-approved credit cards coming in mails)

Air-India flying outdated aircrafts!!!

Air-India flying outdated aircrafts!!!


Recently I read a news that Air-India is flying outdated aircrafts. What is wrong in an outdated aircraft? Ofcourse, the age of aircraft becomes noticable. My best suggestion to resolve this issue is that the carrier should change emergency instructions as below:

• Passengers who board this aircract should be familiar with Bungee or parachute jumping


• Those who used wheel-chairs to board, should hop-on to their friend or family member's back and jump with them.


• Kids should fasten the belt with their pop's or mum's and should wear belt throughtout the jump


• The ticket fare will be refunded after pro-rating the distance travelled until the point of emergency situation


• Before jumping, it's your responsibility to drop your check-in luggagesso that you can pick'em up after your landed


• Jumping is not allowed from backside of the plane since there is a risk of people stealing & jumping with baggages stored at the back


• Those who jump through the windows will receive a special discount of 10% since they help in reducing the traffic in aisle


• Business class passengers will recieve a GPS device to navigate the path of their for landing. Economy class passengers, after jumping, should follow the direction of wind
• In the rush for jumping, the last few passengers who failed to jump will be given a safe ride


• Those who corrupted the aroma in bathroom will not be allowed to jump and has to stay-on board
  

I'm sure the passengers will feel happy and safe after they hear the above emergency instructions.