Large Banks In United States, Thumbs Down

Recently the large US banks are scrutinized for their failures in risk management, especially products related to mortgages. Heavy exposure to mortgage products lead the US banks to incur heavy losses and record breaking write downs. Funny thoughts came to my mind how the banks might have framed their risk management policies. Such as,

* Owning a home is an American dream. If you can't payoff the mortgage, don't worry, the Banks will not only own your home but also your dream. Large banks in US are so kind to stock all your dreams.

* Nowadays US banks love the old US folk song remixed as 'This land was your land. Now you don't have any land'

* Old mantra is 'Higher the risk, higher the return'. The new mantra is, 'Higher the risk, better the chance that US bank CEO will get fired'

* A fundamental idea in finance is the relationship between RISK and RETURN. Large US banks have changed this relationship to RISK and BEATEN

* Risk always comes up with a reward. US banks should reward foreclosed home owners with holiday gifts, since they were responsible for banks to be in the headlines for last few months. The banks got free advertisement.

* May be, in the past year, large US banks might have followed more stringent loan policies, such as:

- Individual who applies for loan should have default at least once, to be qualified for loans.
- If you are convicted as a criminal, loan issued with no credit check required. Why bother?
- Gangsters can use the force to get better interest rates
- Folks with poor credit history can command interest rates
- Income folks with good credit history scrutinized as follows:
----Photo id, passport or driving license
----Proof of going to work (a photo or video showing catching morning train or bus)
----Proof of address
----Proof of wife (a photo or video showing wife snoring when Dad changing the kids’ diaper)
----Proof of husband (a photo, pretending listening when his wife is talking)
----Proof of kids (a photo showing Dad paying tuition fees)
----Proof of dogs, spider webs, etc
----History of past employers who always take care of its employees(firing them on the interests of wall street analysts)
----Proof of excellent credit history(a photo of you holding all pre-approved credit cards coming in mails)

Air-India flying outdated aircrafts!!!

Air-India flying outdated aircrafts!!!


Recently I read a news that Air-India is flying outdated aircrafts. What is wrong in an outdated aircraft? Ofcourse, the age of aircraft becomes noticable. My best suggestion to resolve this issue is that the carrier should change emergency instructions as below:

• Passengers who board this aircract should be familiar with Bungee or parachute jumping


• Those who used wheel-chairs to board, should hop-on to their friend or family member's back and jump with them.


• Kids should fasten the belt with their pop's or mum's and should wear belt throughtout the jump


• The ticket fare will be refunded after pro-rating the distance travelled until the point of emergency situation


• Before jumping, it's your responsibility to drop your check-in luggagesso that you can pick'em up after your landed


• Jumping is not allowed from backside of the plane since there is a risk of people stealing & jumping with baggages stored at the back


• Those who jump through the windows will receive a special discount of 10% since they help in reducing the traffic in aisle


• Business class passengers will recieve a GPS device to navigate the path of their for landing. Economy class passengers, after jumping, should follow the direction of wind
• In the rush for jumping, the last few passengers who failed to jump will be given a safe ride


• Those who corrupted the aroma in bathroom will not be allowed to jump and has to stay-on board
  

I'm sure the passengers will feel happy and safe after they hear the above emergency instructions.

Sooda Oru Tea Sappidunga!!

When I decided to create a blog, the first idea came to my mind was to write about tea-stalls in India. Every indian knows the whereabouts of local tea stalls in his/her community. Tea-stall is such a place, where most of the indians exchange their social & cultural view dilgently. Surveys, if taken at tea-stall, could be more accurate than traditional approach. Opinions at this places multiples effectively to elect a chief minister, to amend a law, etc.Every Indian like to spend after work hours at tea-stalls. May be in metro it is referred as internet cafe but traditionally tea-stalls in rural areas. Am I trying to open up a tea-stall?Not really. I beleive blogs are of similar concept that can carry powerful message across community. This time, it is a short blog. Hopefully, I'll try to come up with another in a month. Until then, sooda oru tea sappidunga!